January 6th, 2009 / No Comments » / by 
Administrator
I was asked yesterday afternoon what I thought about the Fiesta Bowl game between Texas and Ohio State. I said it would be close but UT would probably come out ahead.
They did by a safety.
Texas 24
Ohio St. 21
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January 5th, 2009 / No Comments » / by Administrator
I’ve gotten a couple of the five or so things done this weekend I was planning on. Oil change and state inspection. Haircut.
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January 4th, 2009 / No Comments » / by Administrator
I’m a pretty light sleeper, at least that’s what I have been. I started taking a magnesium supplement and I think I am spending more time in the deeper sleep levels. I haven’t had to take melatonin or valerian root in months.
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January 2nd, 2009 / No Comments » / by Administrator
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple.
The man spoke first: “Hi! I’m John, and this is Mary.”
Mary: “Hi! We’re here to invite you to come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”
Me: “Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who’s Hank, and why would I want to kiss his ass?”
John: “If you kiss Hank’s ass, he’ll give you a million dollars; and if you don’t, he’ll kick the shit out of you.”
Me: “What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?”
John: “Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do what ever he wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars, but he can’t until you kiss his ass.”
Me: “That doesn’t make any sense. Why…”
Mary: “Who are you to question Hank’s gift? Don’t you want a million dollars? Isn’t it worth a little kiss on the ass?”
Me: “Well maybe, if it’s legit, but…”
John: “Then come kiss Hank’s ass with us.”
Me: “Do you kiss Hank’s ass often?”
Mary: “Oh yes, all the time…”
Me: “And has he given you a million dollars?”
John: “Well no, you don’t actually get the money until you leave town.”
Me: “So why don’t you just leave town now?”
Mary: “You can’t leave until Hank tells you to, or you don’t get the money, and he kicks the shit out of you.”
Me: “Do you know anyone who kissed Hank’s ass, left town, and got the million dollars?”
John: “My mother kissed Hank’s ass for years. She left town last year, and I’m sure she got the money.”
Me: “Haven’t you talked to her since then?”
John: “Of course not, Hank doesn’t allow it.”
Me: “So what makes you think he’ll actually give you the money if you’ve never talked to anyone who got the money?”
Mary: “Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you’ll get a raise; maybe you’ll win a small lotto; maybe you’ll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street.”
Me: “What’s that got to do with Hank?”
John: “Hank has certain connections.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game.”
John: “But it’s a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don’t kiss Hank’s ass he’ll kick the shit of you.”
Me: “Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him…”
Mary: “No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank.”
Me: “Then how do you kiss his ass?”
John: “Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other times we kiss Karl’s ass, and he passes it on.”
Me: “Who’s Karl?”
Mary: “A friend of ours. He’s the one who taught us all about kissing Hank’s ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times.”
Me: “And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?”
John: “Oh no! Karl’s got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining the whole thing. Here’s a copy; see for yourself.”
John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on “From the desk of Karl” letterhead. There were eleven items listed:
01. Kiss Hank’s ass and he’ll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
02. Use alcohol in moderation.
03. Kick the shit out of people who aren’t like you.
04. Eat right.
05. Hank dictated this list himself.
06. The moon is made of green cheese.
07. Everything Hank says is right.
08. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
09. Don’t drink.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank’s ass or he’ll kick the shit out of you.
Me: “This would appear to be written on Karl’s letterhead.”
Mary: “Hank didn’t have any paper.”
Me: “I have a hunch that if we checked we’d find this is Karl’s handwriting.”
John: “Of course, Hank dictated it.”
Me: “I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?”
Mary: “Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people.”
Me: “I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they’re different?”
Mary: “It’s what Hank wants, and Hank’s always right.”
Me: “How do you figure that?”
Mary: “Item 7 says Everything Hanks says is right.’ That’s good enough for me!”
Me: “Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up.”
John: “No way! Item 5 says ‘Hank dictated this list himself.’ Besides, item 2 says ‘Use alcohol in moderation,’ item 4 says ‘Eat right,’ and item 8 says ‘Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.’ Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too.”
Me: “But #9 says ‘Don’t Drink,’ which doesn’t quite go with #2. And #6 says ‘The moon is made of green cheese,’ which is just plain wrong.”
John: “There’s no contradiction between 9 and 2; 9 just clarifies 2. As to 6, you’ve never been to the moon, so you can’t say for sure.”
Me: “Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock…”
Mary: “But they don’t know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese.”
Me: “I’m not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn’t make it cheese.”
John: “Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!”
Me: “We do?”
Mary: “Of course we do, Item 5 says so.”
Me: “You’re saying Hank’s always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That’s circular logic, no different than saying ‘Hank’s right because he says he’s right.’”
John: “Now you’re getting it! It’s so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank’s way of thinking.”
Me: “But…oh, never mind. What’s the deal with wieners?”
Mary blushes. John says: “Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It’s Hank’s way. Anything else is wrong.”
Me: “What if I don’t have a bun?”
John: “No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong.”
Me: “No relish? No Mustard?”
Mary looks positively stricken. John shouts: “There’s no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!”
Me: “So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?”
Mary sticks her fingers in her ears: “I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la.”
John: “That’s disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that…”
Me: “It’s good! I eat it all the time.”
Mary faints. John catches her: “Well, if I’d known you where one of those I wouldn’t have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I’ll be there, counting my money and laughing. I’ll kiss Hank’s ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater.”
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
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January 1st, 2009 / No Comments » / by Administrator
I’m still thinking of them.
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December 31st, 2008 / No Comments » / by Administrator
Off to pay the property tax installment, which is pretty close to what the truck note was. Fortunately it only lasts 6 months this year. Once I am done with the 401(k) loan I should be able to save up enough to pay it on time.
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December 30th, 2008 / No Comments » / by Administrator
Blagojevich is appointing former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to fill the vacant Senate seat.
Fine but they still need to prosecute this guy.
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December 29th, 2008 / No Comments » / by Administrator
I just reduced my future contribution percentage to zero in the company 401(k) plan. I am done entrusting my future to insane people with unchecked avarice and agenda. The idea of men flying in private jets to a meeting to beg for money that I have to help come up with has only been affirming evidence of the insanity. This came on the heels of the bankster bailout with most of that money going to bonuses and firesale purchases of other banks. And more of the same to come.
I can do a better job of taking care of my finances and my future than a bunch of idiot fund managers who continue collecting fees and blame the losses on “the market.”
I do have an outstanding loan with this account. I am going to make additional payments to get that paid off by the end of the coming year. To that end I will be ending my investments in the stock market and applying the money that would have gone to that account to eliminating this loan.
It’s been an interesting ride. However having my money at the mercy of people who don’t have my interests at heart is no longer acceptable.
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December 29th, 2008 / No Comments » / by Administrator
This is an HP computer that I bought @ Wal-y World back in Sept of ‘06. I had to wipe the drive and install a fresh copy of XP. Up until a few weeks ago the DVD drive had been working fine. Now it is not even responding when I insert a disc. So I am going to buy a new unit for it and upgrade the RAM. Then I can write the Ubuntu disc and play with that before I move the whole thing to that.
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December 28th, 2008 / No Comments » / by Administrator
In December of 2005, the SciFi Channel showed the miniseries The Triangle. It is a six-hour movie in 3 parts. I have had it saved on TiVo since then. I just never got around to watching it until now. I’ve watched and deleted all sorts of stuff since then. I’ve even thought about watching it from time to time and just kept telling myself that I’d get to it later. Well I’m almost done with the first segment. It stars Sam Neill, who is one of my favorite actors.
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Transformations is about becoming. It is a chronicle of my labyrinthine journey following and sorting through a constant inundation of information. The present way of looking at and doing things isn't working. It's time to crawl inside a photon and learn to describe things as light reflects off of them. Knowledge. It's the ultimate themepark ride.
